Smashburgers are the culinary equivalent of a TED Talk about “authenticity.” Some guy in a backward hat mashes a $9 lump of beef with a spatula, and we’re supposed to pretend this is rebellion against Big Fast Food. Spoiler: it’s not. It’s just McDonald’s with a thicker résumé and worse fries.
The smashburger craze is what happens when marketing outpaces meat. Half the joints still freeze their patties, the “sear” is really scorched grease, and the supposed craft is performed by someone reading instructions off a TikTok. The result? A line of people paying $14 for something their granddad used to make with a can of lard and a griddle at the VFW.
So What: authenticity isn’t a spatula technique. It’s flavor that outlives the hashtag. Until then, smashburgers are just gentrified diner food with better lighting—and America deserves better beef.